BOOK REVIEW - TOMORROW I BECOME A WOMAN

Tomorrow I Become A Woman by Aiwanose Odafen

Format: Trade Paperback

Publisher: Sribner UK

Published: 28 April 2022

Setting: Nigeria

Rating: 5 Stars

Synopsis:

When Gozie and Obianuju meet in August 1978, it is nothing short of fate. He is the perfect man: charismatic, handsome, Christian, and – most importantly – Igbo. He reminds her of her beloved Uncle Ikenna, her mother’s brother who disappeared fighting in the Civil War that devastated Nigeria less than a decade before. It is why, when Gozie asks her to marry him within months of meeting, she says yes, despite her lingering and uncertain feelings for Akin – a man her mother would never accept, as his tribe fought on the other side of the war. Akin makes her feel heard, understood, intelligent; Gozie makes her heart flutter.

For Uju, the daughter her mother never wanted, marriage would mean the attainment of that long elusive state of womanhood, and something else she has desired all her life – her mother’s approval. All will be well; he is the perfect match, the country will soon be democratic again and the economy is growing, or so she thinks …

Loosely based on the real stories of real women known to the author, Tomorrow I Become a Woman follows a complex relationship between mother and daughter as they grapple to come to terms with tremendous loss. This powerful debut by Aiwanose Odafen is a sensitive exploration of a woman’s struggle to meet societal and cultural expectations within the confines of a difficult marriage, a tribute to female friendship and a love story that spans two decades and continents against a backdrop of political turmoil and a fast-changing world.

My Thoughts…..

Every time I try to run away from Nigeria, I find myself sucked in and pulled back in very violently. I must therefore, now and hereby categorically state that I have stopped fighting it…Nigerians can write and they can write beautiful stories. Take that and make of it what you will.

I found this title interesting, I had a feeling it would be heavy because Womanhood has always been a heavy subject, but I did not expect that it would take me on the emotional rollercoaster it did, which had me oscillating between anger (mostly and definitely anger), resignation, and then hope, quickly followed by heartbreak and pain, and back to being hopeful again. This is one of those books you read that leave you introspective and emotionally spent. Here, are characters who stay with you for a long time after you finish reading – those you love and hate in equal measure.

Tomorrow I Become a Woman follows the story of Uju, born as an only girl in a family of 3 boys, with an overbearing (and I use this word ever so lightly here) mother, and a somewhat detached, yet mildly attentive father. We meet Uju in her last semester at the University – her and her two friends Adaugo and Chinelo are inseparable and have always been since they were toddlers. When Uju sees Gozie for the first time singing in the church choir, she instantly falls for him and is pleasantly surprised when he reciprocates her affections. He seems like the perfect man – he is a Christian and Igbo. Most importantly, he is the kind of man her mother would approve of. Not like Akin, who she has a deep connection with but is Yoruba and out of the question.

When Uju and Gozie get married, it doesn't take long for him to show his hand and it comes down on Uju in blows and kicks. Uju endures a tumultuous decade and then another of a violent marriage that robs her of her essence and identity. When she seeks refuge at home, her mother’s rhetoric is the same – ‘Get him a son so you can become a real woman.’ A real woman perseveres! Do you think your father was any better?’ ‘Do not embarrass me and do not talk back to your husband.’ and so she stays, for her daughters’ sake and because she deep down craves her mother’s approval. But when is enough really enough?

Tomorrow I Become a Woman speaks broadly about the elusive state of ‘Womanhood’, where there seem to be societal constructed stumbling blocks to the attainment of this elusive state. For Uju and her friends, their womanhood was pegged on their ability to secure husbands and then birth children, more so boys. And then it was pegged on how much they could endure in their marriages. The goal post keeps moving and striving to attain womanhood means losing who you are completely, losing self, losing your voice and everything that makes you, you. The unspoken being that you have to put everything you are aside to become a woman.

This is also a book about female friendships – Uju, Ada and Chinelo find ways to lean on each other even in tough times. They all endure difficult marriages and they are each other’s constants. They draw a lot of strength from each other – in some instances, to the dismay of their parents. They always found a way to find humour in life’s servings which I found very refreshing. These three women also exemplify how difficult navigating friendships within a group can be. I still think about them and hope they find healing and a way back to each other.

It is also an ode to African mothers and our mothers’ generation, whose marriages may have looked a certain way and who ultimately sacrificed so much to give us – their children, stability at huge personal costs.

Aiwanose has written a magnificent debut. I have loved every single thing about it and I cannot recommend it highly enough. If you are to do yourself a favour this year, it would be to grab a copy of this book with the quickness and read it.